


What It's Worth

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:25:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus has captured the attention of several people. But can he win the affection of the one he truly loves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What It's Worth

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

It was always hard for Remus to stay awake in History of Magic. Mostly because Professor Binn was so boring, droning on in that monotone voice. But also because Remus was usually ahead in the text. During the summers, he didn't really have much to do, so he'd try to stay a little bit ahead in History. Reading the book was an ideal cure for insomnia. And it kept from thinking about...

He glanced at the boy next to him. Sirius' dark hair was covering his face like a curtain, but Remus could see that his eyes were closed.

It kept him from thinking about Sirius, and how much he wanted to run his fingers through that long, dark hair--and about other things he wanted to do with Sirius. He kept trying to figure out when it had happened, when he realized he had fallen for Sirius. All his other friends were interested in girls. Remus had been certain he was too. Holly Ryedaken, that redhead from Hufflepuff, was pretty and smart and fun to be with. But, there was something about Sirius. Maybe it was the fact that Sirius already knew Remus' darkest secret, and he still wanted to be friends with him. He didn't make Remus feel like a freak or a monster.

{But Sirius likes girls. I'm just going to have to get over that,} Remus sighed. Boy, did Sirius like girls. No one serious, though. Not like James and Lily serious. He heard Sirius' breathing start to get slightly louder. He knew that breathing, of course, having slept in the same room with him for the last five and a half years. The sound had helped lull him to sleep countless nights. Even when Sirius was in dog form, his breathing had that same soothing quality. Remus wondered what it would be like to be close to that sound, to curl up in Sirius' arms and feel that breath in his ear...

Sirius didn't snore, but there could always be a first time, and it wouldn't do for Sirius to be caught napping during class. Griffyndor was just barely ahead in house points, and they couldn't afford to lose any. "Sirius," he whispered. Nothing. "Sirius," he tried a little louder. Remus glanced up to make sure Professor Binn hadn't heard. He reached under the desk and poked Sirius in the leg.

It was like poking at a rock, or a tree trunk. He shouldn't have been surprised at the firm muscle tone. After all, Quidditch was quite a workout. But it was so solid. And warm. He let his finger remain there for a moment, before gently resting his hand against outside of Sirius' thigh. Nervously, he glanced at Sirius. {I shouldn't be doing this, I shouldn't be doing this,} Remus repeated to himself. He looked around at his classmates, hoping no one could see what he was doing. Mostly everyone was looking in the direction of Professor Binn, their eyes glazed over. Two Slytherin girls were passing notes to each other. No one seemed to be looking at him. He relaxed a little, enjoying the physical closeness to Sirius.

{No!} He couldn't have Sirius. The daydreams, the sideway glances, the casual contact, only drove the point home further. He was already tormented by the wolf; he wouldn't let himself be tormented by his human heart. Remus snatched his hand away. Instead, he used his elbow to give Sirius a nudge in the ribs.

Sirius picked his head up, the hair falling away to reveal a blinking, confused pair of dark eyes. He looked around, finally settling his gaze on Remus. In the left corner of his parchment, the corner closest to Remus, he wrote, "Was I sleeping?"

Remus nodded. Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, grinning sheepishly. Before he could scribble another note, class ended.

"No, was I really?" Sirius asked as they packed up their belongings.

"Like a baby," James said. He had been sitting on Sirius' right side.

"How come **you** didn't wake me then?" he said to James.

James shrugged. "It was funny. I wanted to see if you were going to start drooling." He hurried up the corridor a few paces, narrowly avoiding a playful swat in the head from Sirius.

"I don't drool!" Sirius said. "Do I, Moony?"

"I don't know. I've never seen you sleeping, have I?" {Did that sound like a come-on?} Remus thought, panicking. "Too, uh, too busy doing it myself."

Sirius gave him a strange look--or maybe Remus just imagined it, because when he looked again, Sirius was wearing his usual, easy grin. "So, you going to lend me your notes or do I have to steal them when you're busy doing other things?" he asked, throwing an arm around Remus' shoulders.

"Yeah, that's no problem." Remus forgot himself again, and melted against Sirius. He was amazed how well they fit together, like two puzzle pieces. But when he looked in Sirius' face, and saw the look of affection--of brotherly affection--Remus broke away. "Here, take them." He pulled away so fast he stumbled into a suit of armor.

"Watch it you!" the voice echoed inside the armor.

"S-sorry," Remus gasped. He noticed that many of the students in the corridor had turned to stare at the source of the noise. Remus reached inside his bag, grabbed a handful of parchment, and shoved it into Sirius' hands. "Here."

Sirius didn't seem to notice. He stared at Remus, his mouth was hanging open slightly. As Remus turned to flee, Sirius caught his arm. "Remus, what...?"

He yanked his arm away. "Don't touch me. Please," Remus choked out. He pushed past the students in the corridor, his head down so no one could see the tears.

"Remus!" Sirius shouted after him.

Remus ran all the way out of the castle, out onto the grounds. He ducked behind a clump of bushes and sat with his head in his hands. {I can't do this,} he thought. If just having Sirius' arm draped over him made his legs go weak, what was going to happen when Sirius put a hand on his back, or his shoulder, or patted him on the head? What about the mornings after the full moon, when Sirius would all but carry him to the hospital wing? Even when the pain was excruciating, being in Sirius' arms reassured him that he would be all right.

He needed help. There had to be someone he could talk to. He stood, gazing at the towers of the school. Professor McGonagall was the head of his house, but she was female, and probably wouldn't understand. Dumbledore had always been kind to him--he'd let Remus attend in the first place--but even if Remus didn't use any names, he was sure Dumbledore would know right away he was talking about Sirius. Dumbledore didn't miss anything; how the Marauders got away with half of what they did was beyond Remus.

{Professor Quain!} Quain, the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, was another member of the staff that treated him well. Three years ago, when they'd finally gotten to lycanthropy, Quain had given just the facts about werewolves. When some students had voiced their opinions that werewolves were evil and should be killed, Quain had said, "They cannot help what they've become. They act according to their nature. You don't condemn cats because they chase after birds." Remus had wanted to do well in Quain's class, to repay those words, and had become the best student in the year when it came to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Even better than Severus Snape, whose interest in the Dark Arts seemed more than scholarly to Remus.

As he stood there thinking about Professor Quain, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind. It was like being held by an iron circle. He was sure only one person had a grip like that. A face was being pressed into his hair. Remus' heart started to beat faster. {I don't need Professor Quain. I'm going to tell him right now.} His face broke into a grin, and he turned around.

And found himself staring into the beady black eyes of Severus Snape.

He gasped in shock and attempted to pull away, but couldn't. Never in a million years would he have guessed that Snape actually had such strength.

"Remus, where were you going?" Snape asked. "I saw what you were doing with Sirius in History. I know what you want."

Remus hadn't thought to look behind him in class, where Snape sat. "I want you to leave me alone," Remus managed to say. Snape was squeezing him so hard he could barely breathe

Snape's entwined fingers were digging into Remus' spine. "Go on, cry out. Then everyone can see you doing this." He pressed his mouth against Remus'.

It felt like he was kissing a cinder block--hard, cold, and rough. Remus spun his head away. "Stop it! I want..."

Snape's eyes glittered. "Me. Say it, and I'll stop."

"You'll stop bothering me?"

"No, but I'll stop hurting you. What is it you want? Tell me." He squeezed harder.

"Not you," he whispered. "Never you."

Snape threw Remus to the ground. He drew back a foot as if to kick him.

"Remus!" a female voice shouted. "Oi, Remus!"

Holly Ryedaken, Remus' friend from Hufflepuff, came around the corner. "Remus? There a problem?" she asked.

As soon as he had heard her, Snape had put his foot back on the ground. "No. I just found him here, like this." He backed away quickly.

"Sure you did," she said, her brown eyes doubtful. "Give me your hand, love." She reached a hand out to Remus.

{Love? What?} Remus thought as he was pulled to his feet. Still shaken from his encounter with Snape, he didn't trust his voice to ask.

Luckily for him, Snape did. "Love?"

"Yeah. What's it to you?" Holly said. Holly came from a long line of red-haired, short-tempered witches. She was really very good-natured, but definitely not someone Remus wanted to have as an enemy. {Just like Sirius,} he thought. To his surprise, Holly had put both arms around his waist. "Does he have to clear with you who he's seeing?"

"Seeing?" Snape repeated.

"You know seeing, dating, courting?" She shook her head.

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh,'" she mimicked. "Now, sod off before I punch you in your giant nose." She smiled up at Remus as she turned them back toward the castle. Snape stalked off in the opposite direction.

"Cor, that was close," she said when Snape was out of earshot.

"Look, Holly...," Remus began. He tried to think of the best way to thank her without hurting her. She obviously had feelings for him, and although he liked her, there was just no way he could return them. Not when the only person he wanted to be with was Sirius.

She let go of him. "I heard that you had a bit of a problem in the hall, so I came to look for you. Your other friends are too, but I don't know where." {They probably think I'm at the Shrieking Shack,} he thought. He'd found Sirius there a few times, blowing off some steam. Even James once, looking for solitude. "I know you don't fancy me," she said, "and that's fine. I was just trying to get Snape to clear off."

"Oh. Thank you," he said. He was even more grateful when she didn't press him for details on his encounter with Snape.

"So," she said, leading him to one of the benches. "What brought you out here? What's going on?"

The thought of going to Professor Quain dissolved. Maybe he would be better off with one of his peers. And maybe she wouldn't figure it out. It was common knowledge the Marauders were all best friends, but only the other Griffyndors saw them enough to really know them. "There is someone I like."

"Who? No, wait, that's probably secret. What's she like?" Holly asked. She was genuinely interested.

"It's...it's another guy," Remus blurted out. {Idiot!} He clapped a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from revealing anything more.

"Ah." She paused. "Well, does he like guys too?"

That wasn't what he'd expected. He'd expected 'that's nice, I'll be off to lunch now.' "You don't think that's...weird?" he asked.

She shrugged. "We can't help who we love. You fell in love with what was inside him. Does he know?" Remus shook his head. "When you gonna to tell him?"

"I can't. What if he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Then at least you'll know," she replied. "And what if he does? If you didn't see the outside when you started liking him, maybe he hasn't been looking at the outside either."

That struck a nerve with Remus. {Yes, maybe...} It was that inner being that had made Sirius and the others stay with him, and break the law about Animagi to be with him when his outward appearance was different. Obviously, they didn't care what the outside looked like. They'd risked a lot for Remus, not the werewolf. {Just maybe...}

"Good luck, mate," Holly said. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. "And if you need me to kick Snape's arse, just say the word."

Remus laughed and dashed back up to the castle, heading straight for Gryffindor tower. With each step, his spirit lightened, and he became more certain that Sirius wouldn't be repulsed. Along the way, he ran into Peter--literally. Both of them managed to stay on their feet after much grabbing of shoulders.

Peter's cheeks were red and he was out of breath, like he'd been running too. "Remus, where have you been? James went over to the--," Peter caught himself, "you know, but you weren't...what happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine now." Remus figured he was glowing like a candelabra, but he didn't care. "Where's Sirius? I have to tell him something."

"He went up to the room..."

Remus was off again before Peter had quite finished.

"Comet's tail," he said hurriedly as he got to the portrait guarding the door. Before it had opened all the way, he leapt through, banging his ankle in the process. "Ow!" He didn't stop though. Nor did he stop in the common room, where a couple of students attempted to ask him what was going on. He raced up the stairs and threw open the door to the room he shared with the other sixth years.

Sirius was standing at the window. He looked up, startled, as Remus came flying into the room. "Remus!" He met him halfway and embraced him. "Remus, please, tell me what's wrong? You went running out, no one could find you..."

"Sirius, I want to tell you something," Remus interrupted. "I've wanted to for a while, but I haven't really known how, or if I should." He let himself enjoy being held, because if Sirius didn't feel the same way, it would likely be the last time. "I love you, Sirius. As more than a friend. You make me feel special, like I'm a real person, not a freak."

Sirius didn't say a word. Remus couldn't bear to see the blank expression on his face, so he buried his head in Sirius' shoulder, trying to absorb his scent before he was thrown across the room. "You love me too?"

"I know it's unusual, but I can't help...too?" Remus' eyes widened.

"Remus." Sirius took his friend's hands. "You have the most beautiful soul I have ever seen, and I didn't want you to hide it from me, which is what I was afraid you'd do if I told you that."

Remus thought he would drown in those shining, dark eyes. He covered Sirius' mouth with his own, a little awkwardly at first, but after a moment, they melted into each other, fitting together perfectly. Sirius tasted of Drooble's bubblegum, and he smelled faintly of sandalwood. A warm sensation rippled through Remus, taking away every other thought in a pleasurable haze.

#

It wasn't until after they'd left school that Remus finally told Sirius about Snape's coming on to him. As Remus had expected, Sirius had a fit. "I'll kill that bastard! If I ever see him again, I'll choke the life right out of him!" For emphasis, he threw a glass across the room. It shattered against the wall, but the pieces knit themselves back together upon landing.

"Did I ever mention those glasses were the best gift I've ever received?" Remus said as he curled up on Sirius' lap. He wrapped his arms around Sirius' neck. They had been a flat-warming present from Holly. "I knew what you'd do, and he wasn't worth you getting in trouble over."

"You," Sirius said, taking Remus around the waist, "are worth every bit of trouble."


End file.
